It’s been a quiet few weeks on the old Twitter. Calvin Harris’ album has come out and done all right but not spectacularly. So it must be time for a publicity boost. Ooh, another pointless rant on Twitter will do it!

The target of Harris’ ire this time? GMTV. Apparently they didn’t want him to perform (mime) his new single Flashback (which is crap) on the programme, as it’s ‘too dancey’. Seems fair enough to me. GMTV is depressingly bad enough without Harris’ latest offering clogging up its airtime.

Anyway, enough of my inane ramblings, here’s the man himself’s, er, inane ramblings. As usual with these types of stories, please excuse his terrible language, both in his choice of swearing and bad use of grammar.

Harris tweeted: “FUCK GMTV [Typically eloquent start from Harris there]. GMTV won’t let me on their exceptionally dull programme to do Flashback because i’m ‘too dancey’! [Maybe they just don’t want you on because you’re dull, and they’re being nice? Just a thought.] IT’D WAKE YOUR VIEWERS UP. FUCK GMTV. [Oh dear. Have you really run out of words already? *sigh*]

“A lot of people saying ‘why would you want to go on GMTV? – PROMOTION – People need to know you have a record out! [You’ve got a record out? Wow, why didn’t you mention it? He must think we were all born yesterday. At least he’s found his Caps Lock button.] Anyway fuck em, they can give all these X Factor people EVEN MORE TV time, why not, you boring non-risk taking beige death hole DEATH DEATH.” [Weak finish there Calvin, must do better.]

Amazing. We should probably stop giving him the publicity he’s so desperately craving, but it’s too amusing and entertaining to ignore.

What a tool.

This article was written for TMM.