Fifty MORONS with nothing better to do have queued up for TWO DAYS to pay FIFTY QUID for tickets to see COLDPLAY.

Sorry about the caps, but we’re staggered. We knew people quite liked Coldplay. They sell a lot of records. A lot. It’s inevitable. But this is a level of devotion – or, let’s face it, idiocy – that frankly staggers us.

The bland (that’s a mixture of bland and band – how clever!) are playing at Exeter Castle (why does Exeter have a castle? Who in their right mind would attack Exeter?) on December 19, their first home town show since 2000.

The BBC reports that fifty people had queued up since Tuesday for the tickets, which went on sale this morning.

Gibbering idiot Charlotte Foster, who clearly has no job, no friends and no life if she can afford to spend two days waiting outside a HMV store for sodding Coldplay tickets, said: “I’ve seen them before and I really like them. It sounds like it will be a really good show. I just thought it’s worth queuing.”

At this point we must point out that the show is for cha-ri-dee, so it’s probably unfair to mock the afflicted that are forking out their hard-earned to go along. The charity in question is Mencap, which ‘represents people with learning disabilities and works to improve services and challenge prejudices’. Ironic really, as the people going to the show are probably the sort of people who Mencap should be helping.

The gig will be hosted by Radio 1 DJ Jo Whiley and also stars La Roux and Lily Allen.